You came into my life when i least expected someone, when i wasn’t even thinking of love. At first you were the sort of person i’ve been looking and wanting for. I honestly believed and felt that you loved me. i felt like the most beautiful princess. i had buterflies in my stomach, a smile was plastered perpetually on my face, i would look forward to waking up every morning and reading your messages and waiting for your phone calls. i was happy despite our distance. But now that we are closer, it seems like we are farther than we’ve ever been. i now feel the distance, i feel the coldness, i feel the loneliness.. i dread the days now, especially because i dont know if you will call or text me or if your cell phone is turned on, and today more than ever because you are leaving in two days. we have only seen each other once and i dont know when the next will be, today or tomorrow or never. i despise this situation, i am in constant pain now, my heart is always heavy, i stare blankly into space, i lay in bed the whole day doing nothing, i dont feel like seeing the rest of the world, i break into tears. no one has had this effect on me for a long time. Self-preservation has failed me this time. This pain i feel now is worse compared to the repeated drops of candle wax on my skin.
i want to be numb, i dont want to feel anything anymore, because now when you say that you love me, i dont feel that you mean it, it is nothing but habitual and empty. you say that you cant live without me and that you would not know what to do without me in your life but something tells me you already know what it feels. i think you let go of me that first meeting because everything went haywire after that. i wish you’d just pull the plug and end my misery.
i dont want to do the ending because im not sure that i can because i know i will always try to understand you. i love you and i always will, i hope that you know that and for everything that i have done wrong in your eyes i am sorry, i truly am.
lastly, thank you for your time, your love and all this relationship has taught me. i wish you good life, better career, good health always and the one who i could have been.
loving you always,