STUCK IN A RUT October 25, 2007

It has been three fucking long weeks since i saw him.. i was prepared to go off on my vacation to the cold city up north this weekend with every intention to drown myself with alcohol hoping that with it goes all of my feelings for him and possibly rekindle a flame with eyecandy of August. Truth be told im questioning our so called relationship wheter im committed enough or the total lack thereof. If he really loves me the way he tells me he does or if i really love him the way that i tell him. if we were both in it for the same reasons or were just in it for all the wrong ones.

furthermore is it wrong to be feeling something for someone else that you just dont feel for your somebody? (yeah i know why the hell am i even asking or pondering about it). But what can i do, i so seriously long for the connection that i felt with him that i dont feel anymore, but i feel with that certain someone else. grr could this be just a result of us not seeing each other and a string of fights that we had, or maybe im just playing all the other what if’s card that i have..

im just such an emotional mess right now. it just dawned unto me that i may stunted when it comes to relationship, why is it that the freaking wall that i built around my heart just so it doesnt get heartbroken and run over again is so fucking like the great wall of china now. i hate it that i have become so guarded, to the point that i would prefer “intimate non commital relationships” you know those hassle free pseudo relationships over this kind of “lovey-dovey, seem-like forever relationship”. haay what has become of me?

 maybe this vacation is what i need, to clear my head and to give me a better perspective..

…. wish me luck

may i just rant.. October 7, 2007

it’s the final stretch of the sem,  finals week has arrived. yes i do not have much on my plate anymore, but what’s bugging me is a groupmate in one of my subject, yes that groupmate is also a friend.

we have to submit a paper for that particular subject, its one of the last requirement, we are doing a rush paper, a paper that i have no idea what the turnout will be.

i have been a great groupmate, one would even say “those that have been my partner are lucky”. but why oh why am i having a groupmate from hell!!! one who would rather team up with someone else who have finished the paper (atleast the first draft) and do nothing. One, who a few moments ago texted and said that i should help her, i should make salo her coz she has a lot of things to do as well a paper for another subject which is due tomorrow and that she is crying while doing her paper.

she basically wants me to do the paper by myself, gawan ko daw nang paraan! potah! i practically did everything already…

i hate these kind of people.. one who would rather get a grade knowing that they did not deserve it. how can they sleep at night?

yes she is still my friend, but i am so pissed off at her right now.

when do u know when to cross the line between friendship and being a groupmate in an academic pursuit.

this is not grade school or high school anymore!!!

and if and when you do decide to study abroad, i hope that you never be like this again..

on loneliness October 6, 2007

                                         

  

Loneliness is worse when it seeps through the middle of a conversation,

while you laugh or while you see beautiful places or things.

When waking in an empty room is less cold

than waking next to someone with his arms around you.

When you would rather spend friday night watching tv

than a night out with your friends.

When you are willing to throw away everything for nothing.

When you would choose to have no one care.

Loneliness is worse when solitude becomes more endurable than company,

and worst,

when you look forward to it.

desperately irritated October 4, 2007

 

i have been a follower of Desperate Housewives since it started and i love absolutely everything about it, the cast,the story line and heck even producer marc cherry. but i am highly irritated and saddened that they had to resort to making derogatory racist remarks against Filipino Medical practitioners and Medical schools here in the Philippines…

to ABC network, please make sure that these kind of remarks dont happen again, especially on one of your most followed shows. Teri Hatcher, i know it wasnt entirely your fault, just doing your job, but did you even try to question the script?

 AND TO YOU SCRIPTWRITERS OF THE SHOW, DAMN YOU!! 

im not in the medical proffession but i am a Filipino, and i am mad..

please sign the online petition..

oh and one more remark on the petition, please ask for a public apology, not just for Filipino-Americans but the entire Philippine nation.

NO TO RACIST REMARKS! NO TO RACISM!

bitten by the love bug.. October 2, 2007

just a few minutes ago, i changed my status from single to in a relationship..

i know its cheesy, and even though its just for formalities’ sake, i was trembling.. i couldnt even muster enough finger muscle to click that icon. Don’t get me wrong, i like this new status im in now, its just that im not used to it anymore. it’s been ages since my last relationship. i have come close to one a number of times but never took the plunge. i was a coward, afraid to be hurt, afraid to love and give love. one of em boys said something that really struck me, “you know what D, you are so bottled up, you do not want to let anyone in, it’s like you always have an excuse for everything, parang you’re keeping and saving yourself for someone”

Yes, i may have been waiting and saving myself for someone.. someone i dont even know would feel the same way for me, so that got me thinking. then a lot of what if’s popped up.. so i told myself, the next time it happens, the next time someone wants me and loves me, i will take the plunge so long as it feels right.

.. and thank heavens, this time it felt right. so right.

A and i met in a very unconvential way, he was very frank, straightforward and a bit mayabang for my taste, but he does grow on you.. we havent known each other that long, but it feels like we do..

so yes this is me taking that deep dive, that plunge, that free fall into love..

love is in the air..

my nth blog October 2, 2007

hello wordpress world!! im here again with another blog, i just have to keep on moving, since my dad found out about my öther blogs and have been reading them. Anway, thank you to my dear childhood friend the expatbrat for intrducing this blog host to me..

well i have got to study now, math exam coming up… grr.. i hate calculus, i swear! will blog again very soon..

Hello world! October 2, 2007

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